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The Ultimate Guide to Becoming the Ultimate Parent

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The Ultimate Guide to Becoming the Ultimate Parent

The Ultimate Guide to Becoming the Ultimate Parent!

Your Official Guide to Exactly what it takes to be the Ultimate Parent.

How does an average human being go on to become an Ultimate Parent? What are the steps or the tips and tricks to becoming an Ultimate Parent? There are no "tricks" to becoming an Ultimate Parent, for starters. Becoming an Ultimate Parent takes work, dedication, a systematic approach, and recognition that being an Ultimate Parent is your goal. And with this guide that you are currently reading, you are taking your first steps to becoming just that. An Ultimate Parent. 

The first step in becoming an Ultimate Parent is knowing and examining the Different Parenting Styles. Studying the styling of parents and how the styles differ will give you an advantage when the time comes for you to raise and parent your child. This Ultimate Guide to Becoming the Ultimate Parent will serve as your guide so that you can raise the best child that you can!

Currently, there are four recognized styles of parenting. Initially, three were introduced in the 1960s by Psychologist Diana Baumrind. Hence the title "Baumrind Parenting Styles" came from. The styles that she found were based on disciplinary strategies, warmth & nurturing, communication styles, and expectations of maturity & control. Later research by Eleanor Maccoby and John Martin (Stanford) suggested adding a fourth. The psychologist-recognized styles are listed below.

  1. Authoritarian - This is the parent who goes by the saying, "Children should be seen and not heard." Children's opinions aren't valued or even considered. An Authoritarian is a parent who makes strict rules and expects their rules to be followed at all costs, and to the T ! If they aren't, there will be steep consequences to be paid. In some people's opinion, these parents are usually seen as overbearing or harsh. 

  2. Authoritative - These parents have rules, enforce rules, and give consequences to actions, but these parents consider the child's feelings. These parents explain the reasons for the rules. Parents put effort into maintaining a positive relationship with the child. Parents use positive discipline strategies to reinforce positive behavior, like praise and reward systems.

  3. Permissive - This parent sets rules but rarely enforces them. There are no consequences for actions. Parents believe the child will learn best with less interference. This parent is very lenient. This parent only steps in when there is a severe problem. This parent has a "kids will be kids" attitude. This parent doesn't put effort into discouraging poor choices or unacceptable behavior.

  4. Neglectful / Uninvolved - These Parents behave just as the title says. They don't know about the child's schoolwork. They rarely know who the child is with when they aren't in the parent's direct presence. They spend little time with the child. They expect the child to raise themselves and lack knowledge in child development. These parents can be overwhelmed with their own lives. Paying bills, attempting to manage a household, and working are a few reasons these parents might be so uninvolved in their children's lives.

Now that we know the style types of parenting, another activity you can participate in is finding a parenting quiz. Your internet search engine of choice will be teeming with quizzes from all over that can tell you precisely what kind of parent you are. As long as you answer the questions presented truthfully, a parenting quiz can give you a more accurate picture of your parenting style. 

But who needs additional quizzes when you have this Ultimate Guide to Becoming the Ultimate Parent?!? This guide will lead you to the style that will fit you and your child the best. 

When people seek knowledge on a subject they are unfamiliar with, they will often look for a guide or book to teach them the skill they know little of. And depending on how you were raised, you might want to alter your parenting style from how you were raised. 

Maybe you felt that your parents were too strict, and now unconsciously, you have become a permissive parent. You have decided to let your kids do what they want to do when they want to do it. Your reason for this approach is because you know what it feels like to get a constant "no" to anything that you wanted to do as a kid. No reasoning, no input from you, just a plain old no, not even accompanied with the "because I said so" line that most of us have heard from one time or another. 

Or the opposite could be the case, and your parents let you run wild. Sometimes you don't even know how you made it or are alive to tell the story. Now when it's your turn to be the parent, you're going to watch your kid "like a hawk." You know firsthand the trouble that youth can get into, and it's not going to happen on your watch!

While it is true that we get a lot of our parenting style from what we have experienced in our lives, we want to take the good experiences we have had growing up and enhance them. As adults, we tend to make jokes and conversations surrounding the fact that we might have had it so hard growing up and that now kids are spoiled. But in reality, it's just one generation advancing in life.

Are you a parent who believes that children should raise themselves and figure it out independently? Do you believe in providing as little interference as possible to your young ones? And because of your permissive nature, do you believe your children are more likely to become individuals? If so, and this is your approach, research shows that children who grow up with permissive parents are more likely to struggle academically. Children of these parents develop behavioral problems, health problems, and dental cavities. The reason behind the issues with health care is that parents don't enforce good habits like brushing teeth or bathing. 

A parent can be what is considered what is called a "helicopter parent ." The term mainly falls under the Authoritarian side of the parenting chart. The term came from the metaphor of a parent "hovering" over a child. Watching and controlling all the child's actions. Research shows that these children are at higher risk of developing self-esteem problems because their opinions aren't valued. Children might also be aggressive or hostile because of their anger towards their parents. Children are shown to become 'great liars' because of hiding so much from their parents to avoid punishment. These children often seem to act out once they become adults because they had little opportunity or input into the rules set forth for them. And while this parent might overbear, this doesn't mean that the parent doesn't love the child they are raising. 

The same goes for the Uninvolved Parent. Life can be stressful, and trying to handle all that life throws at us constantly can get to be overwhelming. Bills come due, work calls for mandatory hours, and an unexpected auto repair. These are just a few examples of instances in a person's life that can cause a parent to not be fully available for a child. While research shows that children of these types of parents are likely to struggle with self-esteem issues, and the children perform poorly in school. These children also exhibit frequent behavior problems and rank low in happiness. 

These parents should not always be seen as "the bad guy" in these parenting situations. Sometimes, as humans, we need help and don't know where to look for help, how to look for help, or that we even need help! Again, every situation is dynamic, and judging one parent based on another parent's actions isn't fair to either parental situation. 

So out of all the styles and mix of parenting styles, which one is the best? What should you strive for when you are raising your child? To point to research again, the style that produces the most well-rounded children that become responsible adults is the Authoritative Parental approach. Research has found that kids with authoritative parents are most likely to become responsible adults who feel comfortable expressing their opinions. If adults can effectively identify and communicate their feelings, they are productive members of society. And with parenting, that's all that we can ask for. Positively contributing to society by raising great human beings!

While the four parenting styles are recognized as standard, it has to be stated that a parent can be a mix of all four. The parenting styles do not have to be viewed in black-or-white terms. The styles can and do land somewhere within a gray area with the parenting dynamic. There are times to be stern and "lay down the law," and there are times when a bit of leniency goes a long way. 

So far, you have all of the definitions of the four most common parenting styles. You have examples of each, research to show how the children tend to turn out. And you can probably think of someone in your life who has displayed each parenting characteristic. Even if it's someone you know personally or a character from your favorite TV show or novel. We all have come across that parent that seems like the worst! You may run across a parent that makes you wonder to yourself. Why did this person even have children? And due to life and circumstances, we may not get an answer. If we aren't personally close to that person and cannot ask, sometimes we have to mind our business from afar. But if we can offer something constructive to a parent, we should feel that it is our duty not only for the parent who may be struggling but also for the child who did not ask to be here. We shouldn't get into the habit of judging from the outside while looking in. 

Getting the opportunity to be a parent is a luxury that is not afforded to everyone. While not every person has the aspirations to become a parent, plenty of people do and do not get the chance. So if you are a parent, take time to think of how fortunate you are that you have the opportunity to put a positive force into the world. The child that you are raising could go on to create the next artwork masterpiece. Or the child could find the cure for some previously incurable disease. The possibilities are endless when you take your role seriously and parent by displaying love, compassion, warmth, and understanding as a parent. 

There are times when I have heard parents say they treat their kids mean on purpose. The parent says that the world will be rude to them, so they should learn early about how bad they might be treated. "Why should I be my kid's friend when the world isn't going to be their friend?" I'm afraid I have to disagree with that approach, in my opinion, that is all the more reason to treat our children with love. The world can indeed be cold, rotten, mean, disgusting, disrespectful, and any other type of disparaging term. But if the outside world is going to treat a person that way, shouldn't there be a safe haven or place where a child can be treated kind and gentle. There is plenty of time for lessons of cruelty to be learned, but learning firsthand from a parent isn't one of those times. 

In conclusion, when a person becomes a parent, there comes a time when the focus of all the world's problems no longer affects just that person. You now have another life to think about and care for. Being a parent can be a selfless act where you support and guide a new human trying to find themselves in the world. Or a parent can be disengaged and not interested in a human they may have brought into the world. Again, parenting doesn't have to be an all-or-nothing endeavor. The four parenting styles are simply definitions or guides to parenting. 

I like to compare parenting to a jigsaw puzzle. Like the last pieces of a puzzle, sometimes the pieces seem to fall into place when you are near the end. Sometimes it's with a partner, and sometimes it's a solo effort. Either way, the genuine work is up to you. The same goes for parenting. It's up to you. Being an Ultimate Parent simply falls into place when we lead our parenting with love and genuine work, just like that last jigsaw piece.   

Severen Henderson is the Owner/Operator of Department3C. You can connect with him on most social media sites @iamsevy or  @deaprtment3c. Let's keep in contact, so please head over to our website www.department3c.com to see what we are up to! For e-mail, inquiries contact us at info@department3c.com.

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